You Make It Entirely Too Easy For Me

Ha, ha, ha!

Given that you were detained with some back-door Viagra, I now have a new theory as to why you will not fight me. I suspect that you are ill-equipped with that most necessary component needed to stoke the fires of male aggression: testosterone. I always thought you were as docile as a newborn lambkin whenever you step back from that fabled golden microphone... Apparently you're also as flaccid as a sleeping eel to boot!

What Human Effluvium Is YOUR Favorite Talk-Radio Host?

A new game: If a talk-radio host were a waste by-product of human existence, what sort would he/she be? I'll start (no comment necessary, as these pairings should be self-evident to even the most casual observer).

Rush Limbaugh--tumor
Michael Savage-- scab
Sean Hannity--turd
Dr. Laura--dandruff
Glen Beck--loogie
Bill O'Reilly--syphillitic seepage

Now you try. Feedback/additions/corrections are most welcome.

More Comedic Tutelage for the Great Maja-Rushie

Rush, I have taken it on myself to guide you through the dim forest of insipidity and into the clear pasture of proper comedic stylings. Even though I want to call you out into a street fight, I still feel it my duty to inform you of any shortcomings I might observe when listening to your show--call it a public service, if you will...

Repetition. This is the cornerstone of any solid comedy routine. You know this, to be sure. But repetition must be tempered somewhat. Moderation is key. Two examples: If I hear you mention the phrases "Congressman William Jefferson, Democrat Louisiana" or "The Drive-by Media" once more, I swear my head is going to explode into a technicolor splatter of brains and bile. You think you're being clever, but I assure you, there is a threshold when it comes to repetition, and Tubby, you crossed it months ago. It's okay...not everyone can be a George Carlin or Richard Pryor; some of us have to be content just being Carrot Top.

So stupid... *sigh*

A Theory About Your Hearing Loss

Although there are those who speculate that your addiction to pain medication contributed to your near-complete loss of hearing, I would like to postulate another theory.

Perhaps it was your body's way of rejecting the sound of your own voice, shutting down in order to save itself from the contaminating influence of your grating voice and the inane, putrid tripe it gushes.

I am anticipating grant monies so that I may study this matter further and hopefully prove my hypothesis.